The New Book is Available!

Hello everyone and hope you are well!

I am excited to announce that Touching the Invisible: A Field Guide for Living is now available.
After almost 3 years it is humbling and exciting to have it completed.

The book is over 500 pages of insights into mind body, neuroscience, biology, awareness and a behind-the-scenes look at what makes us who and how we are. There is also an entire section devoted to exercises you can try or develop into your own practice.

To read more about it, see a preview or order a copy, please visit:

As always, please feel free to be in touch!

Awareness insight and exercise

I have been speaking to the importance of awareness and why it is essential. Here is a simple exercise I call ‘Body Scan’ to help you build your personal awareness. You can do it in as little as a few minutes or longer when you have the time. This episode offers you the basics so you can do it on your own anywhere.

Tuning our Somatic Awareness

Somatic awareness is another way of saying ‘felt awareness’. It is something we each cultivate personally and it is not found outside of us. When we broaden our Somatic awareness, our inherent wisdom of our body, energy and even life force align or develop. We might find that as this happens we notice a natural lessening of stress and health issues in our lives.

In order to truly practice this personal relationship of felt awareness you need to suspend so much of what we have learned throughout our lives. Felt awareness is not the model we generally have been taught so we need to actively seek it out and shift what we have already learned.
So much of our learning has been through habituation often corresponding to implicit learning. This is learning that happens without conscious awareness of actually ‘learning’ it. Examples would be eating or walking where learning occurs through passive, incidental and automatic acquisition. No conscious effort to absorb the learning is required
These habits of ‘being’ and unconscious knowledge can play a significant role in our lack of awareness to our own thought processes and disconnect to our felt sense of personal awareness.

Also, we have been taught a perspective of compartmentalization when it comes to our bodies, emotions and spirit. Part of this is the perception of the body as an ‘object’. If we can begin to expand our awareness and see the interconnectivity of our physical functions (brain, organs, cells, foods) with our emotions, thoughts and beliefs then perhaps we can realize that our wellness is something we have great influence with.

“Subatomic particles, and all matter made therefrom, including our cells, tissues and bodies, are in fact patterns of activity rather than things.”
-Fritjof Capra

Our bodies and health are not static occurrences but ever changing and dynamic. The body, mind and emotions are living systems that are influenced and influencing always. When you can touch the edge of your own awareness you realize it is not a fixed boundary but a landscape to continually expand. As living systems our nature is to constantly adapt and renew, not to be rigid or closed. We are in a constant dance of renewal whether we notice it or not. Awareness can allow us to participate in this, at a core level, consciously.
Embodying awareness can unwind the way in which we have learned to be in relationship with our bodies and lives. In being aware and not being attached to our thought processes/perspective we can change our ‘reality’ by changing our experience.

So, how can we do this? How do we shift something that seems habitual or occurring without conscious effort?
How do we begin to have a ‘felt sense’ of our selves and move beyond the idea of static lines and more into the interconnectivity that brings us the equivalence of winning the lottery?

What things can we do to live a more vivastic, in-joyed and embodied life?

Is it possible that even small changes in how we perceive our selves and life can have powerful affects on how we live in our own bodies?
What if all of this is much simpler than we think?

If any of these questions have struck a chord in you or inspired your own personal inquiry, then lets try some things.

It will be a little different from person to person since each of us has our own degree of perfectly beautiful challenges to work with; especially it seems when it comes to looking within our own thoughts and feelings. Wherever you are, that is where you begin. There is no hierarchy to this or competition as far as who wins the ‘most self aware’ award. This is for you and it is you who will shape and direct what you discover. Take as much time as you need.  And honestly, as you begin to explore it will become more and more ‘second nature’ and less effort /work is needed.

Here are some things to try as you move into your exploration.

~Find 5 minutes in your day, when you are not too tired, to bring your focus to your breath (it could be right now). Instead of the usual expand the belly style of ‘deep breathing’ I want you to simply follow the sensation of the breath beginning at the nostrils.
For now, lets just concentrate on the inhales and let the exhales happen on their own. I want you to follow your inhales and see if you can trace the path of the breath through your body. Notice where you lose track of it, what the sensation feels like and how it moves. If you seem to continuously lose it at the nostrils, that’s fine, just be with that moment at every inhale with the intention to follow it further. If you are able to go beyond the nostrils see if you can begin to direct the breath through your body to area like your hands or feet. See if you can get creative with directing the flow and even see if you can connect any colors to your breath. See what naturally arises in the imagination because I believe ‘imagination’ is linked to intuition and body wisdom. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Follow your impulse and curiosity and notice what you notice.

~ Find a place indoors or outdoors to take your shoes off and walk barefoot. Set a goal for 5 minutes and in a location where your feet feel ‘safe’ from anything unfriendly. Begin by bringing your eyes to a soft gaze on a ‘far off horizon’. (This essentially means not tilting any direction but head floating on top of your spine with ease, eyes looking forward.) Your gaze is not fixed on any one place and your peripheral vision is open. First, just stand and feel your feet on the ground. Notice contact with the surface below you, skin sensation, weight sensation, temperature and balance. Be present with noticing all that you can while simply standing and the exchange of you meeting the ground and the ground meeting you. Bring presence to your breath and sensations throughout your body and notice any thoughts and emotions too. Then consciously choose to take your first step and notice all that is involved in doing that. Shifting your weight, muscle engagement, balance and so much more before placing that foot in a new location. This list doesn’t even scratch the surface of what goes into our balance and walking but this is where we begin. See how many layers you can notice in this simple process that we often do without thinking. Notice how it can change your sense of self in space with gravity, your emotions as you slow down and your mind/thoughts as you move differently. You might be amazed by what you learn.

~ For this exercise find a room where you can stand with eyes closed and make full body movements/gestures safely. Set a goal (or timer) of 5 minutes and while keeping your eyes closed begin to move your body. See what impulses you can follow and let the movements be 3 dimensional and on all height levels. See where you can bend and fold, arc and curve or expand and contract. Play with direction, speed and repetition. (Your feet do not need to be glued to the ground but stay in a relative diameter that maintains your safety with eyes closed.) Allow yourself to move in different shapes and forms even if you might find it embarrassing if you felt others were watching. This exercise is great for strengthening your kinesthesia and proprioception; which is our bodies built in awareness of position and movement of body parts in relation to self and space. We rely so heavily on our sight and habits that we often disconnect from this potent ‘felt awareness’ that we already have built in. Let’s reconnect and let it teach us.

Each of these exercises asks you to do something out of the ordinary that helps to develop and rebuild our inner felt awareness or somatic knowledge. Each of these is quite simple and yet can have far reaching affects when practiced a few times a week or perhaps every day. There are no limits to what we can discover using these as springboards into our own awareness. This ability to cultivate and bridge the inner sensation/experience with the outer world mechanisms is important. Otherwise we end up having either/or and truly we want access to both.
Our life force and intelligence is like a seed; constantly moving towards the light. In this practice there is no forcing, we are allowing what is natural to arise, to move towards the light, to show us what life is potential.

The Brain on Love

The Brain on Love


Definitions on the table

Self Love can mean many things to many people and has been a popular topic in many self-help books. It is something we often know and observe as being of critical importance to our general well being and yet it still eludes a majority of the population.

Since love can actually be quite subjective and ambiguous I thought I would offer a platform of accepted ‘definition’ before diving in.

The Self LOVE I am referring to is generally a part of ‘unconditional love’ and is quite different than the more popular ‘romantic’ version.

Unconditional love:

affection with no limits or conditions; complete love.

By straight definition, unconditional love can still feel a bit unclear and lend much confusion.  So perhaps begin with an investigation of yourself.  When you ask yourself what it means to love without any conditions or any limits, what answers do you get?  Your idea might actually look different from somebody else because we have each had different experiences of love.  But unconditional Love can exist regardless of the circumstances and is as authentic as our ability to offer it with no strings attached.

Since I believe unconditional Love for oneself (self love) is integral in our construction of positive self-esteem I am going to go further and also give a ‘definition’ of self-esteem to aid in bringing self-love into tangible form.  Along with this, I would like to suggest that Self Love is a fundamental piece of the positive self-esteem pie. (They are actually synonymous to me so moving forward from the definition I will simply say ‘self love’ which will also include self-esteem.)

Self-esteem is the sum of self-confidence (a feeling of personal capacity) and self-respect (a feeling of personal worth).  Self-esteem is a term used to reflect a person’s overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. Thus, it affects the way we are and act in the world and the way we relate to everybody else. Nothing in the way we think, feel, decide and act escapes the influence of self-esteem.

People with a healthy (positive) level of self-esteem:  Tend to trust their abilities, consider themselves equal in dignity to others, admit and accept different internal feelings whether ‘positive’ or ‘negative’, find enjoyment in many activities in life and are compassionate towards others.

An article in the Oxford Journal said this about the broad spectrum of mental and physical health:  “The most basic task for one’s mental, emotional and social health, which begins in infancy and continues until one dies, is the construction of his/her positive self-esteem”

So, the Self Love I am speaking of is critical to overall health, wellness and balanced living and is not related to narcissistic or self-absorbed behaviors.  The above overviews of definition can hopefully offer a baseline from which we can understand its essence and move forward into personal exploration.

Bird’s Eye View

We can talk about macronutrients, micronutrients, supplements, balanced meals and how much water to drink in a day but self-love is one of the greatest nourishments and medicine we have.  I realize that my writing often returns to or boils down to this essential element but truly it is because I feel it underlies all things.   The self-love I speak about is not merely some warm and fuzzy or new age version but one that has all the elements of joy, sweat and tears.  It is not convenient nor one-dimensional but a building block that each of us has lost/reclaimed with greater and lesser degree throughout our lives.  It is an ingredient for health and well-being that is as essential as the air we breathe and food/water we ingest.

Love in this sense is not just an emotion but rooted in thought, genetics and the influences of history and experience.  Self Love cannot be separated from these or isolated as just an emotion.  It is part of the brain mapping that underlies most of our development on all levels.  This interwoven tapestry of our thoughts, experiences and emotions has direct and tangible affects on our health and how we live.

Research is helping us to understand the impact of these and specifically the role of positive emotions like self–love.  Our health and well-being are a complex web of influences of which self-love is one key ingredient.  In fact, empirical studies over the last 15 years indicate that self-love is an important psychological factor contributing to health and quality of life.  The protective nature of self-love is particularly evident in studies examining stress and/or physical disease in which self-love is shown to safeguard the individual from fear, uncertainty and buffer the impact of stressors (which are a major impairment to health across the board).  They found that the level of self-love was a consistent factor in predicting the outcome of a patient after a stroke or could enhance an individual’s ability to cope with disease and post-operative survival.  Even more recently we have been finding out exactly how self love/positive esteem changes our brains.

The affects of ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ self-thoughts are abundant and varied so I am going to just give an overview of our brains ‘on love’. Needless to say there is plenty of data showing that self-love (positive self-esteem) is some of the best medicine/nutrition for us humans so I will leave you to do more extensive research on your own.

Our Brains On Love                                                                                               

Our development of self-love starts early, actually in utero.  From the time we are in our mother’s womb we begin to learn and absorb the deep sense of connection and love inherent in that relationship.  Our brains are actually ‘wired’ for love because of this deep connection with mother.  It is the essence of unconditional love and what we often refer to as maternal love. It also exists to different degrees regardless of our mother’s parenting skills post birth.  Brain scans show that there is actually a synchrony between the brains of mother and child enforcing our sense of this inherent bond (and bonding is part of feeling this basic unconditional love).

After birth, attachment and unconditional ‘parental’ support are significant elements in our development.  These early experiences imprint the brain and also set the wiring for self-love, impacting our lifetime’s behaviors, thoughts, self-regard and choice of relationships.   This continues throughout childhood and adolescence to create our particular map of ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ self-relationship pathways.  And because we begin our lives neurally wired for love (from in utero), experiences later in life that are contradictory to this can end up concurrently causing feelings of profound disconnect (along with the impact and repercussions on our neural pathways).

There is ample evidence showing us our unconditional love is based in our neural pathways and showing that it stands apart from other types of love.  In one study they looked at the brain imaging of participants who were shown different sets of images either referring to “unconditional love” or “romantic love”. Seven areas of the brain became active when these participants called to mind feelings of unconditional love (three of these were similar to areas that became active when it came to romantic love but the other four active parts were different) Of the seven areas that lit up during unconditional love, it showed brain regions associated with rewarding aspects, non sexual pleasurable feelings and human maternal behavior. Through the associations made between the different regions, results show that the feeling of love for someone unconditionally is different from the feeling of romantic love.


(image shows differences between ‘romantic’ and ‘maternal’ love in our neural firing)

Even though our early childhood experiences can impact the wiring of our brain and our tendency towards more or less self-love and positive self esteem, we also now know the brain can be changed and these neural networks can be modified and re-wired all together.  We can actually make new choices for how we want to create our lives and our ability to experience love and positivity.  We also know that feeling connected and cared for (loved) remodels the neural architecture of the brain too.  Studies show supportive relationships are the most robust predictor of attributes in longevity, medical and mental health, happiness and wisdom.


Let’s try to simplify this so we can each appreciate and feel empowered around the essential mechanisms of our own brain/body.

Our thoughts and emotions decide whether and how neurons will fire and how they wire/unwire to produce structural changes in the brain. Needless to say, how our neurons fire and wire is the most essential function of whom and how we are.  There is no sidestepping or avoiding this.  Everything we are and become, not to mention basic motor (motion) functions, are based on our neurons and neural pathways.

Emotions are powerful influences activated by your perceptions/thoughts that then direct the processes of the body.  Every time you have a thought or feeling, your body releases tiny chemical proteins called neuropeptides.  (Neuropeptides are used by our neurons to communicate with one another.)  There are more than a thousand different neuropeptides….each triggering its own specific physiological effect.  Without neuropeptides, your body could not function.  Hormones, for example, are neuropeptides, as are endorphins and adrenalin.

Together, emotions and (interpretive) thoughts will:

~ Produce physiological sensations felt throughout the body

~ Can create an imbalance where the resulting neuropeptides can cause physical symptoms to appear.  Any prolonged negative mental state will weaken a correlating area of    your body.

~ Release hormones into the bloodstream that affect the balance of all the body’s critical systems (circulatory, digestive, endocrine, immune, lymphatic, muscular, nervous, reproductive, respiratory, skeletal, and urinary…for overview of the systems see the end of this article)

~ Stimulate the basic cells of the brain (neurons) to fire in specific patterns.

~Sculpt the important synaptic connections between neurons of the nervous system/ brain.

~ Can shape the actions you take in any given moment, if you take any action at all.

~ Affect the heart.  The heart generates the largest electromagnetic field in the body.  One of the most significant findings is that intentionally generated positive emotions can change the coding of the heart.  This ‘coding’ is transmitted throughout and outside of the body.

~ Love alters the brain most in stress response and immune function but also in many other ways.  It affects our physiological and neural functions towards balance and wellness.  Frequent episodes of stress and negativity can impair certain body systems the following 3 body systems in particular:

Cardiovascular system

Long term effects of stress on the cardiovascular system can result in increased heart rate, damaged blood vessels, high blood pressure, and increase in serum cholesterol levels. All of which lead to an increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

Digestive system (Actually our 2nd brain and command center)

Stress virtually shuts down the gastrointestinal system (GI). During the acute stage of stress, blood is diverted from the GI tract to muscles, where it is needed much more. Stomach peristalsis is reduced and sphincters are closed. The body reduces secretion of acid juices and digestion slows down.  Needless to say this can lead to many illnesses and disease.

Immune system

Your body naturally produces immune cells, called T lymphocytes, that fight bacteria, viral infections, fungi, and cancer cells.  Elevated levels of adrenal hormones during stress suppress the body’s production of T lymphocytes and weaken your whole immune system. Not only does stress worsen existing infections, you also become more susceptible to immune system related health problems.

The above list gives a general overview of the very complex and important relationships between our emotions, thoughts and body.  While we have a wide array of emotions to add richness and scope to our understanding of our self and the world our body actually narrows these down.  Neurologically, your mind and body are generally in one of two overarching emotional states, either love or fear.

The number of nuances and intensities of these core emotions may be countless, but emotional responses and physiological sensations in the body are, in some way, rooted in love or fear.

Other labels can be used for love and fear. For example, for love, we can choose the words ‘empathy’ or ‘compassion,’ and, for fear, we can choose the words ‘anxiety’ or ‘stress.’  The point is that the label we use is … well…not the point.

What is essential to note is that these core emotions alter the physiological state of the body and mind in the overall direction of one or the other.  When we look at love and fear as core ‘felt’ states, the brain responds to them each uniquely.


Many fields of science are showing us that the brain is constantly rewiring itself based on daily life.  This is quite exciting since the belief used to be that you couldn’t really change your brain because it was a static organ.  Now we know that there is brain plasticity….it can change and stretch and reshape….or it can be reinforced to maintain the same neural pathways.

The brain maintains or creates new neural pathways and associations that feed and fuel our opinions, choices, memories, skills, fears and passions (to name a few).  Everything we learn becomes part of our neural associations or pathways that we maintain or change through repetition.

Memories of your childhood can come back to you because they are all tied together or bundled together by these neural pathways or associations in the brain.  Anything you learn, regardless of what it is, becomes part of the vast neuronal associations in the brain, which contain over one billion nerve cells.

When you learn to tie your shoes, ride a bicycle, drive a car, use a computer keyboard, or learn a musical instrument, your brain gradually develops and arranges the neural pathways to make your “practicing” become automatic.  The more you practice, and the more quality time you put into your practice, the more that your brain pathways change.  Fairly soon, you know how to tie your shoes and you don’t think about it anymore.  This practice you have done has made tying your shoes become automatic.   And this is true for any activity that you do.

It is exactly the same way with cognitive or emotional learning.  As you learn, and then practice methods, strategies, and concepts, a new neural pathway begins to form.  The more you practice, the more this new neural pathway or association grows.

If you are repeatedly thinking negative thoughts (not practicing self-love), you are actually strengthening neural pathways in your brain that support continued negative thinking.  More so, speaking the thoughts out loud appears to compound the building of those pathways.  Alternatively, if we have thoughts that are positive, uplifting or based in Love then we can rewire our brains for stronger connections in these arenas. With repetitive practice, you can shift your feelings and begin a process of building unconditioned self-love and feeling more positive about yourself.  As with the negative processes, speaking positive thoughts and feelings out loud can reinforce them exponentially.  Like studying for any test, there are ways to get your brain on board to rewire and remember.


(this image shows the differences in neural firing based on whether you speak, see, hear or think about words)


A feeling of self-love allows our bodies (especially our nervous system) to relax.  In case you didn’t know, relaxation has profound health benefits and self-love is a potent source.  Relaxation is defined as being free from stress and anxiety and a sense of love specifically addresses these issues.  Studies have shown that self-love and positive self-esteem create a sense of safety, an ease of anxiety and overall calm.

Relaxation research tells us that relaxation is our natural state of being and is connected to that feeling of love and safety in the womb.   We can unwire the neural pathways of stress we have learned and use self-love and positive thinking to support relaxation wiring. Once we begin to make new choices we will become more aware of circumstances that cause us to tense up and be able to stay more at ease rather than react to the stressors in our environment.

We spend a lot of our time in a state of mental and physical tension or dis-ease.  We tend to hold our breath, unknowingly clench our jaws, frown, and tighten our muscles.  The consistent contraction of our muscles drains our energy, causing fatigue.  Some research shows that 80 percent of illness is stress-related, that whatever your genetic ‘weak’ link (or challenge) is, stress will trigger it.

As the body starts to relax, certain physiological changes occur.  Your pulse rate lowers and muscular tension releases.  Relaxation brings mind and body into essential balance, reduces fatigue, releases and expels toxins and revitalizes many of our bodily systems.

And somewhat ironically, we are able to learn more when we are in a relaxed state too.  So once you begin to practice self-love and create a deeper sense of calm and relaxation in your body (inside and out) it becomes easier to keep learning more ways to increase this overall state.

Some possible affects of relaxation:

~Improves concentration, clarity of thinking, 
decision making, memory
, learning

~Calms your bodies stress responses while it maintains alertness

~Stimulates imagination, intuition and higher awareness

~Allows you to sleep better, fall asleep easily, stay asleep through the night

~Keeps you healthier by boosting your immune system
and possibly diminishes triggers of disease.

~Slows aging process

Self-love generates relaxation and these bodily responses as a by- product.  Again, we see that the affects of love and positive self-esteem are fundamental to our overall health and wellness and not simply icing on some intangible cake.  Each living person needs this basic nourishment and now we have science to ‘explain’ more about why we need it, offer us insight to the impacts of its absence and tools for shifting.


So, why not fall in love with yourself every moment of the day?  What gets in the way?

We know that one of our greatest obstacles can be our conditioned neural pathways but we also know we can shift these connections.  (How/what we ‘fire’ is how we ‘wire’).

There are so many tools to help shift old habits and create new ones.  Each of us is unique in which tools will serve us best so I have here a diverse list of suggestions for you to ‘riff’ on.  Many will perhaps sound familiar but see if you can connect beyond the caricature of them and more into how they might be of service to you personally.  See what appeals to you and sparks your own ideas as you grow this practice incorporating self-love language and existence into your daily life:

~ Awareness of your own thought and language habits is the key to this work.  If you accept that you can change your life by changing your thoughts and words, then paying attention to your thoughts and words is critical.  It’s all about awareness and shifting towards your version of unconditional love.  How can you bring more attention to your language and thoughts right now?

~ Pay attention to your thoughts, and whenever you notice yourself in a pattern that is less than kind or loving, simply interrupt it.  Break the pattern in some way either by speaking out loud your intention, drinking some water or even singing a song.  Try doing this for 5 minutes to help enforce the shift from the negative thought pattern.  This simple interruption has profound repercussions as it sends a message that change is in the air.  It also doesn’t allow for the reinforcement of the negative to play out as usual.

~ Allow yourself to believe (interrupt the beautiful naysayers inside you) that you can do this and it is your birthright to love yourself without conditions every moment of the day.  It is not about banishing these other voices inside of you.  It is about meeting them with love and kindness and allowing space for something different.

~Practice treating yourself the same way you would treat a friend or loved one with care.  In supportive situations would you scold or console a friend?  React or comfort?  Forgive or hold a grudge?

~ Practice forgiveness and be accepting of yourself even when it looks different than your conditioned expectations.  Move towards appreciating yourself now, in this very moment and not for something ahead in the future or a held ideal from the past.

~ Look into your own eyes in the mirror and feel unconditional love and appreciation for the image you see reflected.  Practice connecting the image of you with these feelings and eventually your own image will be a trigger for incredible feelings of positivity. (Studies have shown that a long love affair with the image of ‘self’ can calm sites in the brain associated with fear and anxiety.)

~  Healing touch.  Next time you are feeling a lack of unconditional love for yourself, try to shift this through your own healing touch.  Studies have shown that holding your own hand can reduce pain and touch in general can lower blood pressure as well as many other physical and emotional benefits. These benefits cannot be underestimated.  You can  simply hold yourself in a comforting hug, pat your chest/back or rub your arm…..anything you find soothing for yourself.

~ Start your day with an intentional vision. When you wake up say out loud your vision for how your day will unfold. One example might be: “My day is filled with unconditional love, positive interactions and activities that nourish me.”  You can get specific or stay general; whatever feels best for you that day.  If you want to super boost the affect of this you can go to a mirror and have this same conversation looking at your reflection.

~ Step away from or avoid situations that diminish unconditional love of self or others. If you notice you are in a situation or conversation that feels negative make a choice to step away.  There is no need to judge others who might continue this behavior (in fact it’s healthiest to stay positive across the board) but you can decide for yourself that it is malnourishing and actually reinforces negative connections in your own brain.   If stepping away is difficult perhaps try to shift the tone of the conversation by guiding it with gentle words of compassion and positive outlook as opposed to a sledgehammer of self-righteousness ‘I know better’ attitude.

~ Engage the power of gratitude. Several times a day, take a moment to look around you and verbally acknowledge what you are grateful for.  It can be something as simple as seeing a bird fly by, hands that touch, sun that shines through trees or a pen with ink.  These observations support your brain wiring towards the positive and towards self-love.  There is no hierarchy or measurement of gratitude for our brains, the expression is pure and simple and the affects follow this simplicity.

~ We all realize that life is sometimes painful.  There are times when we find we have to speak about negative, painful or unpleasant things. During these times, speaking about our pain can help us unburden ourselves from it and might even be a part of our healing.  Remember that even during these times, unconditional love can co-exist.  Let your practice of self-love be even stronger so you can learn that they are not incongruous.  Once the challenge or pain begins to lift, follow up with words and discussion around healing and action. Actually speak and envision feeling better even before you feel ready to do so. You will be paving the (neural) path for yourself as you continue to take steps on your journey of healing and building positive experiences even during life’s challenges.

~ Super charge any of these. If you really want to boost any of these practices, write down your unconditional love affirmations, words of gratitude or positive thoughts, before during or after you speak them. Engaging all parts of the body (physical, visual, auditory) sends even more signals to reinforce love and positive feelings.  Find as many different ways to engage these thoughts and feelings somatically (body, mind, spirit, emotions) and create practices that work for your own energy or creativity.

~ Be consistent. Transforming the neural pathways of the brain takes time, patience and practice.  Like any exercise the work must be done regularly to affect change.

Self -love has many benefits for us as individuals but it also teaches us how to express love in the most balanced and fundamental ways.  As we give to ourselves we are able to receive and also give more love to others in many forms.  It becomes an abundant resource that is a great investment in growing our unconditional self-love bank.

And remember, our habits and conditioning around self-love have been in the making for a lifetime.  The shift into total self-love might take a little time and patience.  Be gentle and loving without conditions as you find your personal way through the map of YOU.

All Parts Included

I wanted to look at the art and challenge of self-acceptance; the practice of accepting ourselves with all of our unique foibles, idiosyncrasies and less than shiny bits. (No ifs, ands or buts.)

This practice is so essential because it fundamentally informs the way we perceive the world, others and our own self. And our perceptions create our ‘reality’……or at least how we feel about it and choices we make.

My question to you is this:
When you think of yourself and look at the complete/everything included version, do you allow all your different parts to show themselves or are there some parts you consistently keep hidden away? (Hidden except for when they manage to act out or until you can tuck them back out of sight.)
Are there parts of your self you don’t show due to shame, embarrassment or simply feel they are ‘unacceptable’?
Are there parts of yourself you don’t like?

This is interesting territory to look into because it is a natural human response to avoid things we don’t like or enjoy. It seems quite ‘normal’ to ignore those less than savory parts or tuck them outside of the light of who we (want to) see ourselves to be. (And many of us have our parts that we might struggle with….)

The truth is, I have yet to discover a way of fully seeing, loving or accepting oneself that might include a severing or rejection of certain parts of our selves for any reason.
With this in mind, if we are participating in any form of blacklisting or diminishing of certain parts, I don’t see how we will be able to fully enjoy the nourishment of self-acceptance and authentic self-love.

(Again, when I say ‘authentic self-love’ or acceptance I am speaking of the kind where there are no caveats or strings attached. It is a state of being without an ‘if’ or ‘but’.)

It can be quite a puzzle because what we have generally learned is to only acknowledge or truly show the parts that we like or are ‘acceptable’. And since this is status quo, it seems like this behavior is a no brainer, right?
But what if…
What if the key to consistent and grounded self –love/acceptance is actually about gathering together all parts of us? Even if we don’t like them, what if we choose to invite them in and accept them as is?
What if we gave these parts caring face time (and not just when they are ‘acting out’ or causing a ruckus inside of us)?

Here’s what I know; each of us have these parts that we might want to reject or hide, even from ourselves. And each of our reasons and relationships with these parts are unique to our own lives. That is why there will always be a unique approach we each need to discover for ourselves. But I fully believe each of us can discover this approach and a deeper sense of self-acceptance without question.

These parts that we try to ignore always find ways to speak up and get out from under wherever we have ‘hidden’ them. This internal dynamic creates a tension and even a setup for pitfalls. It can support a system of continuous push/pull that leads to a sense of internal struggle, depression or self-deprecation (to name a few). It can also fuel dynamics you perpetuate in your external relationships with others. These inner dynamics can cause replicated behaviors of rejecting others, reacting as opposed to communicating or favoring only that which is simple/pleasant. (I am sure each of us can connect the dots along these lines somewhere in our own lives)

Learning to recognize how we shut out or snub certain parts of ourselves and then choosing to integrate them back into the ‘whole’ can actually free up energy we are exerting to keep them ‘out’ or hidden. This acceptance and integration that we can cultivate is a tool that benefits not only ourselves but also our interactions and relationships with others. It can bring a sense of calm, empowerment and renewed energy within us that has a domino effect throughout our lives.

Learning to “ride the bike”

I realize that this is generally easier said than done and I don’t offer any of these suggestions lightly. For me, the practice of the self  is one that requires attention, patience and a whole lotta kindness. The metaphor of riding a bike works pretty well here and all the qualities of: focus, consistent practice, encouragement, repetition, willingness, effort and…. falling over.
When we first learned to ride a bike we might have gotten frustrated, had a bit of a cry, felt scared or even fallen but somewhere in the process we simply needed to take a breath, trust and try again. We didn’t typically accept that falling over was all there was to it and stop there.

Accepting and loving our selves without question is similar in this way. First we need to recognize there is something beyond our conditioned patterns to move towards. To a certain degree I am not even sure we are aware of this ‘self -practice’ that can help cultivate an all round more pleasant ride in our lives. Many of us have reached the point where we can at least function on autopilot so why fix something ‘if it ain’t broken’.
It’s as if we don’t realize we can cruise smoothly on our bikes and tend to think that constantly falling over every few feet is as good as it gets. But imagine the difference if falling became more infrequent and you could actually enjoy sailing downhill with your feet on the handlebars. Suddenly even the challenges of hills and traffic became more manageable or possibly nourishing.
When we engage the qualities of awareness, focus, willingness and kindness and apply them to our own personal growth…anything is possible.

If living with less stress, tension and criticism were possible would you choose to move in that direction?
If cultivating more self love and energy were within reach would you try or practice something different?

If yes, then try this.

Our ‘small stories’: Affecting Change

I read somewhere that ‘our small story can only sustain itself if it remains unconscious. Recognizing it is the beginning of the end.’

For me this means that actually becoming aware of our habitual patterns towards not fully accepting ourselves is the first step towards change.

~We realize that we have divisive habits that use up crucial energy and are not serving us.
~We realize that the habit of diminished self-acceptance can perpetuate the same behavior towards others in our lives.
~We acknowledge that we are capable of developing new habits that are more sustainable.

In order to affect change we must have clarity, keep it simple and on some level see it is achievable. This way we can decrease resistance, avoid gumption traps and maintain a sense of inner encouragement.

So, in learning how to ride this bike we start small and simple. You get to discover your own tweaks for what works best for your own personal environment.

Since we are focusing on self-acceptance of all parts of our selves this is where we will hone our attention. At some point during your day (perhaps just before bed) take a few minutes to survey the range of your thoughts and feelings and see if there are any moments you notice a lack of self acceptance or a diminishing thought about some part of yourself.
Just notice it and see if you can take a breath with it and find some way to perfectly accept and acknowledge without judgment this feeling or thought. Try to create a field of acceptance without question and embrace this ‘part’. Notice what this type of acceptance feels like in your body…the sense of it. And that’s all. You can do this with as many thoughts as you have the energy to fully find acceptance for and when you feel complete (even if this is after just one)….you simply let it go.

Creating a memory for the felt sense of acceptance is powerful. It’s like programming a computer or building a bridge….as you practice it allows more access to your ability to create acceptance.

This practice may sound too simple but it is amazingly potent to begin by accepting the parts that are often the ones doing the bullying. This small act can set a trend towards getting to know what this type of acceptance feels like in your body, creating a memory to access it more easily in the future and building bridges for integrating all your different parts no matter what they look like. It also flips the ‘game’ or conditioning on it’s head. We generally play out these habits in a particular way and if we can interrupt the usual M.O. then we open up the gates for other possibilities.

This is the laboratory of you….and you are the genius within it all. You never know what you might discover….experimenting with the practice can uncover new truths, solve old mysteries or perhaps just give you wings for flying on that bike of yours.

Reclaiming intuition

The idea of ‘health’ is not a new topic of discussion. And there is no end to the opinions and variety of ways to be ‘healthy’. As I navigate my own questions regarding health I am committed to discovering more about what my body may (or may not) know. And what I am learning is that my body knows a lot….if I can develop my listening skills.
As people navigate their busy schedules and the overwhelming amount of information about health….I wanted to explore some basic connections around our personal wisdom and intuition. For me, there is no ‘cookie-cutter’ approach to this and we need to find balance between what we read and what we learn from our own bodies.

With the internet and shelves packed with books we have an abundant and growing access to information. At times it can be a tiring process to discern what is helpful for our own needs. And this is where my own intuition (body wisdom) comes critically into play. It becomes my internal compass to navigate these waters and steer me towards arenas perhaps most fruitful for exploring.

So, the place I ‘begin’ is with my own intuition or ‘gut’ feeling. All external information, no matter how compelling, needs to be in balance with the wisdom of my body as a dynamic entity. I have a pragmatist within me but due to the fact that the world (and our bodies) are ever evolving and there are always infinite (and sometimes inexplicable) possibilities…..I feel a clear need to live in balance between my developed intuitive sense and research/data. I also have discovered that there is no concrete ‘right or wrong’, ‘black or white’ when it comes to ‘health’ and living our diverse lives.

So, with all the abundance of information and without pointing the finger in one direction for anybody…..I would like to propose we each discover for ourselves what our body may (or may not) already know. This practice will help reconnect us to our sense of ‘intuition’ by developing our awareness.
This is of course a life long journey but every journey begins with at least 1 small (and perhaps simple) step.

Here are some basic starting points to consider…

1) The first thing that seems important is an interest in learning. Regardless of why….. try to develop an interest and/or investment in your own health and nourishment.

2) Open to the possibility of change or being outside your comfort zone….even for a moment or two.

3) Open to the idea that there is no ‘right or wrong’/ ‘black or white’ way to approach this. Discover what works for you. This may or may not look similar to what worked for somebody/everybody else.

4) Meet this experience without judging yourself or the things you observe. Respect at all times, as challenging as it might be, is a key piece of the puzzle.

These 4 points are fairly straightforward as a springboard for yourself or as little reminders.
(And you might also discover a few others that work for you.)
I find them to be a great support for this practice of cultivating awareness/intuition while keeping in mind it will look different for each person.

To get started, here are a few suggestions to help get the ‘ball rolling’. They are by no means the only possibilities to begin developing your awareness…. just there if you need them as you find what works for you.

~Try taking a few moments when you first wake up to notice if you feel ‘rested’ or any other sensations that present themselves.

~Take note during your day of any physical sensations (fatigue, bursts of energy,lethargy, clear thinking, headache, any acute pains). Don’t dismiss anything. Think of it like a treasure hunt and that there are ‘clues’ everywhere.

~ Notice how you feel before, during and after meals. Also notice how you feel about eating and your approach. Is it fast on the ‘go’ or do you sit down and relax etc?

~ Notice how you feel when you spend time with different friends, time alone, watching television, being outside and so on.

~Take note of any shifts in your emotional states during the day or the week. Are there situations that stir particular emotions for you? What are they? (even if it seems like something as obvious as ‘I am happy spending time with my friends’ etc)

Remember, a critical piece in noticing is to not judge any of it. To not diminish or inflate any of the observations. Start with a commitment of 1 week (or every other day if a week seems like too much right now). You will need to discover your own dance with this….perhaps you will write things down or find a schedule for your observations. Whatever works for you to actually engage this practice is perfect.
Simply begin.
Without being ‘goal’ oriented allow yourself, over time, to integrate this practice of awareness into your days. Keep re-visiting it for set amounts of time until you find it’s happening with less effort and feeling more ‘natural’.

I realize that we are a culture that has gotten used to quick fixes/gratification and that you might feel disappointed that there is no ‘answer’ (per se) here. It is more akin to answering a question with a question.
But intuition truly comes through the vehicle of awareness and these first steps of observation are the path to rebuild this vital foundation of awareness. I feel that developing this is critical for understanding our own health and well being.
Explaining the specifics of why this might be ‘true’ isn’t a straightforward answer. In many ways it is like wisdom that comes to you through a ‘back door’…..when you least expect it. And that’s why I suggest letting go of any ‘goal oriented’ approach.
Our reclaiming of intuition through awareness is more of a circular journey with intentions than a direct shortcut to an answer. And certainly it is one of curiosity, trust, peripheral vision and unexpected discoveries.


I want to also offer a quick addition here to help ‘de-mystify’ intuition. Over time I find more people have forgotten how to access their intuition and consider it in the realm of the mystical or ‘special’ abilities. Science has actually been studying intuition and discovering that it is a noteworthy function of the brain/body. They have some theories and studies but of course they have no definitive ‘answer’ about it. And that is where I think we get hung up. When something is without measure it must be ‘mystical’….so basically, how can we trust it? I think over time we can truly re-develop our intuition as a resource to our wisdom and (among other things) it can be a dependable guide balancing our journey in ‘health’.

This short piece of writing can only perhaps scratch the surface or offer a ‘spark’. I am always delighted to correspond with people to help with creating personalized practices.

Life is Art

Sitting with my tea, I was watching the movements of this mind…..playing the intermediary (or multiple advocate) for the unfolding of thoughts I was having. I was amused by the constant tweak in perception these contrasting advocate roles offered, how it could show me some new aspect to the thought beyond my attachments.

Then my thoughts shifted to photography. I have been reflecting on this passion of mine with more consideration lately as I realized that it is something that has never faded for me. That these ‘captured moments’ never fail to evoke or stimulate something within me.

And then I recognized that each moment in my life is like the experience of looking at a photograph. Each moment I am filling in the blanks, writing a story and unwinding a string of sensations. Each moment I am compelled by the images in front of me or the creations of my mind’s eye. With patience, commitment and awareness I learn about ‘myself’ through this exchange/practice.

In any given experience, each of us may view an event and walk away with very different interpretations.
We may, or may not, have similarities to what we perceive from the ‘same’ stimulus.

The art of life (or the life of art) is every day and the elaborate witness that is you and I brings such a particular nuance to the viewing. I hope that there will always be passionate exchange about our perceptions…..but I also hope that we don’t forget to honor one another along the way. And perhaps, along the way, open ourselves to the ever present ‘tweak’ that is accessible to us. Not as a form of abandoning our beliefs but as a practice of learning from the ‘divergent advocates’ available and within each of us.

You are the Path

If you are someone that knows me…or perhaps reads any of these ponderings….you would likely know that I spend much of my time examining my thoughts/heart space, dismantling my sense of ‘self’ and attempting to see all of life from as many perspectives as possible (without my brain exploding).

I don’t practice any of this as a form of nihilism or self deprecation…..but as a path towards not being controlled by my attachments, to grow more deeply in open-hearted compassion and broader awareness.
I live with a fully intact personality and trove of opinions that can burst on the scene at any time, but they dwell side-by-side with this practice.

For me, the most important commitment is to love others and myself without any conditions or judgment. (Authentic love comes as the foundation and then after that are all the opinions and personality.)
Generally, it’s my own fears or smallness that gets in my way of this. I have found that the more I explore this ‘path of me’, the more available and free I am to love without constrictions.

Why would we ever withhold our love or think for one moment we are ‘better than’ or ‘not as good as’ someone else? And yet we are prolific at doing this very thing. Each day we experience divisive thoughts based on: social standing, education, economics, physical appearance, gender, evaluative comparisons……on and on.
So yes, my curiosity seems to continuously boomerang back to: Why not love our selves and others fully, without conditions? Why engage in the knee jerk human patent of judging one another? What gets in our way of creating a life that embraces that we are all fundamentally equal, yet diverse, without exception?

I am always finding new doorways to explore this practice and recently I have had a few ‘new’ doors present themselves. One of them has been this thing we call ‘death’ (and the never-ending maze of personal attachments we base on our perceptions of living.)
I have had the honor of spending time with a good friend as he goes through the transition from this physical world: to converse openly and with our mystified soft hearts about this life, the transition of energy and perceptions.

He was amazed to witness for himself the gradual shift in how day-to-day moments could feel so different, the challenge of having his once strong physical body not be ‘his own’ anymore, the journey to let go of copious attachments and the ability to see from new spaces in his heart/soul/energy. This time with him has afforded me new opportunities to examine a few more standard foundations that affect my every day thoughts. More specifically, our linear relationship to living, aging and apprehension/denial of our own mortality.
It has offered new prisms through which I gain insight and follow my curiosity in this laboratory of me.

Along with this, I have started getting to know a person that lives within the local transient/homeless community. Having conversations about what has changed for her since becoming ‘homeless’, the tangible shift in how people treat her and my own sense of ‘us/them’ while being invited into their circles……..

Both of these experiences in different ways have been potent in demonstrating the lines we draw and perceptions we cling to sometimes. The need to feel safe or comfortable even if that means choosing to shy away from examining these defining judgments, the status quo script or beliefs about self and other whether due to life circumstances or our own mortality.

I find myself surrendering more and more to how little is ‘certain’ in our lives (even with these days and routines that might unfold as expected or planned). We all know there are ‘no guarantees’ in this life and yet we invest a lot of time and energy towards trying to control and bend this ‘truth’ as much as we can. This can potentially look many different ways: the eye cream we dab on to ‘prevent’ aging, the gossip we speak about other individuals, the material objects we surround ourselves with, the inner voices that declare we are somehow not ‘good enough’ or the small untruth we tell in any given moment….
We have so many movements of the mind enabling us to sidestep this possibility of the unknown and all that we cannot control or predict in this life. So many inflexible or stylized thoughts we use to maintain our position on the map of living … somehow offer a guarantee of where we place in the scheme of things. No matter whether they are subtle or strongly apparent….we are running these scripts daily.

It seems that we don’t often greet the uncertainty of living (which can feel threatening) with open arms. Instead, we often try to manipulate or distract from it. We become frightened by the unknown open space of questioning and feel vulnerable to the varied ‘truths’ in each moment. There is much more comfort and safety in trying to control ‘reality’ and shape it into the existing (inherited) images that we already have of the world and ourselves. This might create temporary relief from the uncertainty that is inherent in being human……but ultimately it is just a tool we all use to create more comfort and accommodations.

(and just to be clear…..I participate in forms of daily control and distraction and can thoroughly enjoy the time I spend there…..but for me it is about finding a balance and an awareness of what I am choosing and why. I have no hard and fast lines or judgments about any of this…..just curiosities)

It seems that if we seldom participate in a practice of examination and questioning, we come to believe we (or others) are whatever arises in our conditioned minds. We have gotten so used to looking outside ourselves for ‘answers’ that we have forgotten to be curious about who it is that’s doing the looking.
If we are willing to investigate the spaces in between our thoughts we might discover a relationship to uncertainty that begins to feel more comfortable. We might fully witness the vast energy we exert to conform our lives to an ‘acceptable’ version of the image we desire….. and then choose to utilize that energy in different ways.

Yes, we have such incredibly intricate and compulsive responses in the mind……. but it is within this complex web that we can find a vast and rich resource. We don’t seem to realize that the raw and layered material of ‘us’ is the path. You can learn from any teacher or teachings……but I feel that to truly find wisdom and compassion…….you must discover yourself. Because you are the ‘truth’ and no one else can take you there except for you.
Yes, all these teachers/teachings have left us road maps but ultimately you must travel that road yourself and ask questions along the way. Each person’s path is unique and at times you will need to improvise, but it is a mystery only you can discover.

It reminds me of a story about a student and a Zen master. The student approached the Zen master saying ‘I have come to learn THE path’. The Zen teacher sat for a moment and replied with loving emphasis, ‘You are the path’.

When we begin to recognize that so much of how we experience life is a reflection of the mind, then each experience becomes an opportunity to discover our dance with this process; The actions, opinions, and thinking that we use to shape our sense of safe reality, the attachment we have to ‘knowing’/control and the lack of compassion / kindness in relation to self and other when immersed in these attachments.

Each moment we get to choose what version of theater we would like to engage and if we want to perhaps take a peek backstage. Understanding with greater depth what lies behind curtains can offer a broader experience of the magic. We never arrive at a final act or answer but we get to continuously be present in the open space of uncertainty with a welcoming breath.


I have no new sharing of tools as I close from these ponderings. My practices are ones I have previously offered that I find help me to cultivate awareness and humility…….

After I click ‘publish’ I will continue to sift through depths where my conditioned mind and personal perceptions make for entertaining theatre. The theatre that is me, you and the world around us. The subjectivity of it all……….
the influences….choices……..
I sometimes feel like a puppy trying to catch its own tail. Circle upon circle and eventually I sit down, take a breath and continue my spiral dance later with new vigor and delight. All these words and they don’t ever seem to come close ….to this journey of living.

Take care and thanks for connecting…….

The gift of Improvisation

After teaching a recent workshop I was reflecting on ‘improvisation’ and how it is a consistent tool I utilize in my work (and in life)….. so I thought I would share some ideas.

I feel that improvisation takes you ‘off script’ and into being more present in ‘the moment’.  It can also develop our intuition and senses.  It can be engaged in many different ways (in performance, in travel, cooking, making friends, work etc) but often it asks you to turn off the ‘auto pilot’ we are using most of the day. I think auto pilot serves a purpose to be sure, but it can also impose some limitations.

I feel improvisation is about opening up to possibilities or seeing options you didn’t realize were already there.  It can create new pathways for thinking, seeing and being. Some of the ways it can achieve this is by taking us out of ‘ordinary’ space and time, asking us to step to ‘one side’ of typical and potentially pushing our comfort buttons.

Being ‘off script’ can be unsettling….you don’t know what comes next….and it is in this ‘unknown’ that you can discover a new way of being in your body, your thoughts and in your experience of yourself and living.

I truly believe we can shift our habits of thought and perspective in ways that can remove limitations put in place over time.  This shift can have benefits in our health, creativity and our perceptions of self.
Improvisation assists this by interrupting the rapid fire ‘auto pilot’ of ‘shoulds’, routine and statements of what defines things. Improvisation can help us observe these patterns by juxtaposing new possibilities and simply interrupting the ‘typical’.
This interruption can allow for more potential by cracking a window in our conditioned thinking and behavior.

Our ability to more fully know (and express) ourselves is one of the most significant explorations we have in this life. To remain open and curious about ourselves is a continuous gift; the journey is never complete and is always teaching us something. And when we give permission to perceive ourselves and the world in new ways, it creates a domino effect that also touches others.
We each are amazingly brilliant beings and the effect our thoughts and perceptions have on one another (and ourselves) is quite tangible……

… life and on stage…..I always endeavor to remember this……

Thanks for reading…..

beyond personality

I was recently talking with a friend about the challenges that can arise in seeing all people as equal (yet different). We were actually discussing a basic Buddhist perspective that everyone is ‘the Buddha’ or has Buddha nature. For me, regardless of the ‘spiritual’ teaching or text…..essential equality is a simple truth. In my authentic core I can find no reason for this to be ‘untrue’.

But it doesn’t mean it’s easy to practice…..

I was remembering a few years ago when I was on tour in the SE. I had gone out for my morning walk and was pondering the difficulty I was experiencing with ‘living’ this simple truth on a daily basis. I questioned more deeply and asked myself what it was that got in ‘my way’ of being able to see each and every person without exception as equal; no one person intrinsically greater than or lesser than another.

The general reply I found was ‘personality’.

I would get stuck around people’s personalities and my ensuing preferences and opinions about them. Basically, nuances in my personality juxtaposed with theirs.
Over the years, I had developed the ability to find space in my attachment to my own personality but there would still be those exceptions, those individuals where it would get sticky for me.
With the exception of becoming a hermit, I wanted to create a tool or practice to help me dissolve this stickiness.

As I continued to walk, I noticed I was in this lush garden district filled with such incredible variety of flowers and trees. I saw particular types of flowers and trees that I thought ‘I love those, they are my favorite’….etc.
And as I noticed my personality and preference expressing itself for these ‘personalities’ in nature, I wondered if I could see all of this plant variety around me as ‘equal’ and individually (and collectively) beautiful. And believe me, there are some plants that I could easily not see as ‘equal’ to others. So, on that morning walk I began to ‘practice’ with the plants…..and I practiced every day.

After a little time I was able to let go of the stickiness of comparison/judgement and just accept each plant I encountered with equal appreciation. (I still have my opinions or preferences but I have created space to choose my perspective moment to moment….stickiness is not the ‘default’)
With my new tool and lots of enthusisam I thought ‘I am ready to now apply what I have learned to people!’
Needless to say, it didn’t work the same with humans as plants. There was still so much attachment and ego fluctuation in relation to certain people and interactions.

So I pondered some more…..wondering if there was a middle step….a place where personality would be less potent….?
And I thought about newborn babies; the way they can feel less ‘sticky’ for me. (They certainly have personality, but seem to be less ‘filled’ with it.)

So I decided to try something else.
Any time I found it difficult to see someone as ‘equal to’ (and without comparison to) others…..I would imagine them when they were first born. As soon as I did this, everything just came into balance and the attachments/judgements evaporated. It was like a love bomb went off and there was no need for the comparisons of greater than/lesser than. It was a simple space of ‘being’….neutral witnessing.

By using this tool I found a way to work with these ‘sticky personality’ moments and find a reprieve from my conditioned mind. I was able to create more space and compassion, not only for the complexities of the personalities of others……but for myself too.

Ahhh yes, a lifetime of study and practice…..

Neutral witnessing exercise

What if you tried this….
Imagine yourself along with a large group of people in a room or space. See yourself. See everyone (both people you know and that you do not).
And as you look around notice the thoughts and feelings that begin to arise. Notice any opinions, concepts or judgements that ensue.

To clarify upfront, I am not suggesting there is anything inherently ‘wrong’ with these thoughts. In fact they come quite naturally to us based on sterotypes or past experience/history with someone.
But since all these thoughts and opinions seem to be our general mode of operation, this exercise is an opportunity to try something different and see how it feels; offer the possibility for something new to emerge. It can even present the gift of witnessing ourselves and others without thought or critique constantly accompanying it.

So then, back to our visualization.

As you look around at all the people and energies simply lay down your judgements, opinions and attached emotions. Empty yourself of them and set your intention to be ‘present’ in witnessing everyone (including yourself) with a balanced neutrality. See if you can view and feel everyone as ‘equal’…..nobody exisiting as greater than or lesser than another. (Equal yet different.)
Observe the energy of the entire space and find if there is anywhere you feel a ‘dip’ or ‘elevation’ in how you perceive a person or area of the room. Continue to see if you can breathe into a sense of balanced neutrality throughout the space.

After a few minutes, are you able to get there?  If not, can you ask yourself ‘why?’ Or what got in your way?
Either way, simply notice what you onserve and how you feel.

Remember….this is not about erasing the unique qualities we all possess, diversity or past experiences.
It is simply a practice of letting go of attachment to our opinions and this accepting of an unquestioned standard of judgments. It is about interrupting the convenience of this system we have put in place of greater than/lesser than; a tendency to predominantly view the world through conditioned perceptions such as we find in social comparisons, concepts of success and ideas of ‘bad’ & ‘good’.

And….. it is just a practice.

When you ‘complete’ the exercise you can revert back to ‘business as usual’ if you choose……
and ….
there is also an invitation to see if there was anything you noticed in trying this.

Was there anything that felt different? How did it feel to step into this space?
In what ways do you feel curious about stepping outside your opinions and conditioning?
Either way, there is no right or wrong in this practice…………

‘but why’…..

Why do I write?
I think it is a process of refinement and discernment through words and energy. Perhaps it is a way of pulling threads and coalescing as I go. I am not sure exactly…but a process.
And I witness so much as I go…..
So much curiosity all entwined in this being human.

I generally remind myself of a 2 yr old constantly and perpetually asking…. “but why?”….
This is the question that follows most moments and thoughts throughout my days. I might see an ad on television, overhear a ‘gossip’ heavy conversation, witness a perceived imbalance in exchange or dynamic between people or groups, interpret a certain suffering ……and as I begin to flex opinions and judgements…this question ‘interrupts’ it all.
“But why?”…..

It is amazing how this practice supports my not getting swept away in judgements and criticisms. Because asking ‘why’ says ‘I don’t know’. It humbles me immediately; creates space for other possibility. And it is a questioning that simultaneously asks me to let go of any attachment or desire for finding an ‘answer’…..because this asking has no focus or goal for an ‘answer’ per se.

The questioning allows a multitude of responses/possibilities to emerge so that my single snap judgement or conditioned opinions have some company; all standing shoulder to shoulder.
My asking ‘why’ becomes a practice of looking in between the cracks of this constructed ‘human’ world we have; our derogative stereotypes, social dynamics, judgements, insecurities, systems of greater than/lesser than,’suffering’……(and so much more)….
To witness the spaces between and all around the concepts and habits…

The ‘why’ is a softening into these complexities….with compassion and curiosity.

And perhaps….
just perhaps…..what if these inherited and potentially unquestioned perspectives of self, life and other were to underlie so much of the imbalance that fuels this sense of ‘suffering’ in the world? Would you change anything? Would you ask ‘…but why…’?

A song

Do you have one of those songs…?
….. one that can just create a sense of wide open space or ‘peace’ within you?

It’s as if everything falls away and this sense of calm and respite fills you. It’s almost like nostalgia but without the ‘ache’ because you feel content…home.

{Nostalgia- a wistful desire to return in thought or fact to a former time in one’s life, to one’s own home or homeland; A sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place and time. From Greek: n`ost (os) a return home}

My song today is Alexi Murdoch’s Orange Sky. For me, it’s a spacious landscape within which I can find nourishment and an expanded sense of peace.

Thought falls away

In my cells I can effortlessly feel everything connected. There is no above or below, greater than/lesser than…..
All connected, all in floating balance, all breath…..
A vibrant feeling of contentment, not desiring more or less….

I think many of us have these songs, these moments….
So of course I imagine what it would be like if each of us could live in that experience for a few minutes simultaneously. What would it be like for each of us to have that feeling of peace all at once?

And I wonder to what degree that sense of ‘home’ or that yearning for it (’nostalgia’) might vary or be the same for each of us wherever we live? What is this feeling as humans for a return to ‘home’; a yearning for another time where we felt a perceived sense of contentment? (And are there ever times we know that it lives inside of us and not in some other time or place.) Is this a universal experience?

What a curious phenomenon….nostalgia…..being human….

I have witnessed my own relationship to ‘nostalgia’ and ‘home’ unwind/shift over the years so that when the song ends….the feeling doesn’t disappear (because the song didn’t ‘create’ it). The minutes of the song serve like a small ‘retreat’ time to recharge, recount and remember. It reminds me that whatever I feel in those minutes dwells within me; that every breath is my ‘home’. And that the practice is to live each present moment with an authentic sense of contentment……every moment a balance of the blessing and challenge…….every moment a ‘song’.

And so I smile and push ‘repeat’……..

….and thinking makes it so….

We live these finite lives and each of our days we fill with continuous thought.  In a way I suppose we are our thoughts because it is these very thoughts that construct our worlds, opinions, actions, emotions, choices….the manifest  ‘reality’ of our days.

There is a quote from Hamlet that often leaps to my mouth….’There is neither bad or good but thinking makes it so.’

…..’thinking makes it so….’

I am sure many would make debate about the existence and definition of ‘good’ and ‘bad’.  But my focus of curiosity is on …..‘and thinking makes it so’.  As I peel layers of ‘self’ I find continuous chains of thinking.  Peeling brings thinking.  Writing brings thinking.  Most activities are thought based.  We are formulating thoughts constantly.  And all these thoughts inform and influence us.

Such influence in fact that there can be a challenge to know one self without the thoughts.  How can we separate our ‘essence’ from all the thinking?

I must say that in writing about this I put my pen down often.

I simultaneously feel I could write indefinitely (in circles) but that it is also as simple as the words of Hamlet. 

So then, why do I write?  Well, I feel compelled to follow threads and ask questions; to question the ‘thoughts’…..all the thinking.  Even though it is the mind I use to do this questioning (the mind that also indulges the habitual thinking process)….I find these flash moments of the unexpected.  Glimpses that are in between these mechanisms and offer me the very breath I use to interrupt the habits of thinking  that can limit me….get me stuck…..put me on auto-pilot.

To be honest, this experience is beyond words to truly describe.  But I feel it….something…..I feel it.  And I witness the possibility of interrupting thought and thinking.  I witness an expanded palette of ‘choices’ when I am aware (and interrupt) this slipstream of the mind; when I am not simply riding on the unquestioned suction of its propellers.

The vehicle of my thinking is an elaborate creation that has been in continuous design since my birth (at least).  How incredible.  How vast.  I don’t know that I could (or need to) dismantle such a work of ‘art’.  But I have found that creating spaces in the soundtrack of my thinking has changed my life.  Changed it in a way where I experience more compassion, spaciousness, unconditioned love and a range of choice.  I am able to see an array of other possibilities in my concepts, perceptions and ensuing emotions.   I also get to see where I feel attached to certain concepts and emotions.  I don’t feel inclined much these days to figure out these attachments as much as ask if they are serving to nourish.  What do they create?  Perpetuate?

(….’but thinking makes it so’….)

I have found there is a dance with thinking and that I am not just along for the ride.  There is infinite potential and discovery in those spaces within the slipstream/soundtrack of our thoughts.  These spaces are not quite as ‘straightforward’.  They leave a bit of mystery to it all and a loosening of the ego.  But if I am improvising with …..’and thinking makes it so’…..then perhaps I can counteract the possible discomfort that accompanies mystery with simply ‘thinking’ another potential  ‘reality’….

What do you think?

Thanks for coming along on the journey…..

How is it that…..

I constantly come back to this same curiosity…..

”Why wouldn’t we love ourselves every moment of the day?”

Why not love authentically and unconditionally and how could this question ever get old or redundant?
When we love ourselves and live this inner experience of unconditioned Love it seems that what follows is that this love generates more love and ripples out to other people and situations.

It is quite simple and yet so complex. It becomes even more complicated when it seems we get confused about what is truly unconditioned Love. I have experienced people describing the ‘unconditioned Love’ they are enacting and yet there are so many subtle cues that perhaps it is not quite without conditions.
My way of cross checking myself is noticing if there is any ‘but’ or caveat attached to the love. For me, any ‘condition’ even remotely attached means there is still some refinement left for me to do. 
I generally then ask myself what the ‘but’ or condition means to me.
I also ask what possible reason I might have for not loving myself or another person without judgement?

Why isn’t the status quo more about meeting each person without judgement and reducing the habit of creating lesser than/greater than comparisons between us? Why do we write so many ‘stories’ that seek to limit people?
(When I say ‘stories’ I am talking about what we mentally ‘write’ about ourselves or others that somehow defines us or them. These definitions can then come to limit or ‘box-in’ ourselves or the other person. At times these stories can also incorporate a sense of us or them being ‘better’ than the other. What would happen if we saw everyone beyond the limitations of story? Can we do that?)

There are many factors for how we have gotten so entrenched in judgement, comparisons and a lack of self love….so many ways we have been conditioned to think these are healthy and normal human behavior.
In this mix is our general relationship with words and concepts.
Language can get fairly sticky when it comes to our ideas and stories about ourselves, others and the world.

A perfect word example would be the topic of this initial question: ‘Love’.
You could ask 100 people what it means and probably get 100 different answers or emotional responses. 
Try sitting with the concept of ‘Love’ for a few minutes and see all the different ideas, definitions and feelings that come to you. 
Now imagine that it is different for every person you might encounter in 1 day. And than multiply this times the diversity of each culture around the planet.
Where and how do we all meet on this fundamental word and concept? How can we use such a diverse and individualized expression in sweeping generalized ways?

We can apply this same exploration to other potent words/concepts:

- Success
- Good
- Purpose

These and so many more are subject to the influences of the past and societal standards towards what is perceived as ‘normal’ and desirable.  Each has a ‘should’ attached to it in relation to our lives. And each one wields a heavy effect on our personalities, perceptions and the world we create.

How is it that we haven’t figured out that ‘normal’ is an illusion we buy into? How is it we are so readily accepting of criticism, judgement and competitive systems of coexistence as the standard?
When did this become the ‘norm’….and did it happen all at once or as a slow and quiet movement……


Fatal error: Call to undefined function fabthemes_content_nav() in /home/ian/public_html/ on line 85