being human

Oh…… Judgement

Judgement……what role does it serve in our lives and world?  What does it illicit in you as you read the word?

I am fascinated in watching it in myself and all around as it seems quite persistent.  Is it inherent or is it conditioned?  Does it serve the health and well being of us all?  Is it a nourishing (adjective:containing substances necessary for growth, health, and vibrance) element or something that deprives nourishment?  What role does it play?

These are some of the questions I ask myself. (and I have come to appreciate using the concept of ‘nourishment’ as a barometer in my questioning)

And I find myself so amazed at how pervasive it is in most arenas of human interaction and thought and how rarely do I see it nourish people or situations.

I should clarify here that ‘judgement’ as I am addressing it is different from the definition of it as opinion or decisions based on one’s wise and practical conclusions.  The judgement I am speaking of is along the lines of making someone else or yourself greater than or lesser than.

(To criticize or condemn someone from a position of assumed moral superiority.  Or to sit in judgment assuming the right to judge someone, esp. in a critical manner.)

I support everyone’s right to opinions and celebrate it emphatically.  This is an important detail so as not to confuse what it is I am questioning.

I am questioning our choice, each of us, to judge or criticize in most situations.  I am curious how we feel it supports growth and health for all and what it serves within us when we engage or perpetuate it?

Do we judge things when they threaten the comfort of our own held belief systems?  Do we feel a need to defend what feels safe and familiar within us and that which we are attached to?  By minimizing the existence of other ideas, thoughts, feelings and ways of living are we somehow trying to create a sense of personal power in a world that is inconceivably diverse in human and natural design?  Do we simply feel engaging judgement is benign and doesn’t really need to be questioned?  Or perhaps it is our right to judge and criticize and is as natural as eating and sleeping.

Imagine for a moment if you can that you moved to a city where judgement didn’t exist.  How would you explain it to other people and the purpose of engaging it?  But even more so…..imagine how it would feel to be in a place where you would never be judged and where your own internal judgements dissipated.  (remember that judgement in this context is not opinion or experience)

Can you sit back and close your eyes for one moment and see if you can feel that in your body and breathe it in even if you might not believe it is possible.  What do you notice?

For me I notice that there is a feeling of relaxation and ease within me.

I think it is tricky sometimes because judgement and criticism can be slippery allies with opinion and only our own internal knowing can understand our intentions.  I personally tend to dismantle down to the most subtle of thoughts and energies in myself so I can come to know more about my inner workings and offer new possibilities that allow for more nourishment for myself and others. In this practice I will even question my engaging in comparisons or how I speak information in social contexts.  I can see how craftily and indirect the judgement in me can manifest because those parts of me have a perceived notion of survival on some level.  It is pretty impressive and what I always come back to is love without conditions and compassion for those parts of myself.  When I am able to witness ways they engage in judgement and all its derivatives, I can simply become curious, loving and compassionate for the ways they have learned to ‘survive’.  And it is through witnessing and presence with them that the possibility of growing more into nourishing dynamic is possible.

That is me……at least today……

What does judgement or criticism serve or nourish in your life and can you ask the questions without judging what you notice in yourself?

being human

Love……a rediscovery

The day will come when, after harnessing the winds, the tides and gravitation, we shall harness the energies of Love. And on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.
-Teilhard de Chardin

This quote tickles me so much. And I must confess that I am at times also flummoxed by this world.

It seems so apparent and tangible to me….this natural wonder (and power) of Love. I can follow threads and see so many steps and human events that have unfolded causing us to disconnect from our own inherent natural resource. All of it helping to create a sense of powerlessness and encouraging us to act from smallness. And I know that every act of smallness/unkindness is likely an attempt to feel like we have our power…..all along not realizing that it is within us. That we never need to try and claim it at the expense of other people or the natural world.

I even realize that no matter what I put upon these pages that it will all likely remain words if individuals do not seek an authentic connection to the essence (their own essence) that lies underneath.  (That reconnecting to unconditioned Love within us is not a passive act……there is some consciousness and effort called for)
It is for each person to choose the world they want to create and it is truly a process of discernment. The template we are born into is a maze that we navigate every day. Every day there are possibilities all around me that I am not always able to see because they have not been a part of my living experience or the groundwork and familiar environment cultivated since my birth.  (I am also hindered by my places of smallness) But every day I reach into the unknown and clumsily search to make contact with the sense inside me that there are always new ways to act and feel from the power deep inside me. It is a power and truth that dwells in unconditioned Love.

I fall short constantly and it is not a comfortable feeling. But I think I have come to realize that this journey of being human is not always about being comfortable. It is a balance and mix of so many things. Where there is comfort I believe includes the blessing of discomfort……joy and sorrow……ecstatic and meditative…….rage and bliss……
As I have accepted the blessing of all of these energetic expressions within me and the truth of the unending source of Love within me…….the possibilities seem to morph and shift.
It is not about my experience of life becoming easier…….but truly one of discovering ‘fire for the second time’ every single day.

And ironically we all need one another on this journey. The famous quote ‘no one is free unless we are all free’ works on every level no matter how small. So I suppose that is why I keep questioning and writing…..because I need you. I need each of you….everyone on the planet (in a mind boggling equation of sorts). We each need one another to live from our Love and connection to our inner source of personal power and brightness. We are inextricably linked in this unfolding. And there is such potency in this truth.

So, here we are…..all relying on one another and deeply immersed in this journey of discovery…….
All I can do is keep breathing deeply and honestly…….

being human

Is self awareness ‘essential’?

Human beings are endowed with this amazing ability of self awareness, reflection and consciousness.

Through this trait we can endlessly engage in questioning our own existence, that of a ‘higher power’ and the ‘purpose’ of life (all the while perhaps going further down the rabbit hole). But through this ability of self awareness we can also learn so much about ourselves and affect incredible shifts in certain patterns that diminish or limit us in everyday life. We can grow our ability to understand other points of view, engage in authentic communication and allow our awareness to bring us more gently into balance with ourselves, others and the world.

Through the engagement of awareness I feel anything is possible as we take off our ‘blinders’ and see more possibilities for how we choose to think, feel and live.

How incredible to have the ability to grow (and possibly change) each day by directing this ability of awareness.

And yet why does it feel that we forget or even choose to not engage it throughout much of our days and lives?

It seems that we have developed the idea that having this level of awareness is complicated or too much effort. Or perhaps we never learned that it is actually already ours and living within us……a tool simply waiting to be engaged or recognized. Perhaps that is why so many of us seek out teachers and books to learn how to ‘get it’ or ‘find it’. It doesn’t appear that our status quo is about empowering the individual to look within themselves. And this is not a commentary against teachers or seeking insight. I truly believe that each of us needs guidance and support throughout our lives and teachers, books, a stranger on the bus or our community can offer this at different times. What I find challenging is the perspective that you are looking for something ‘outside’ of yourself. This is different from someone or something helping you find and nurture that which is already within you.

(And sometimes, with teachers in particular, we put them up on pedestals and elevate them. Doing this keeps them on a different level and can perpetuate this feeling of personal lacking.)

I see so many ways in which we are generally taught (or have learned) from birth that most of what we seek is ‘outside’ of us instead of within us. It’s almost like reaching into the dark looking for your glasses while all the while they rest upon your nose. Self awareness (along with so many of our skills) offers each of us a unique resource right there within ourselves.  Why is the first place we look every day not within?

I rarely think you will ever find your ‘glasses’ out there but rather deep within yourself and the nature of being human……our capacity to cultivate awareness, engage thought, create choice and adopt change. All of these lie within each of us (along with our ability for love and compassion). Yes, it looks different for each of us but it is generally there within us all……at times ‘hidden’ but not necessarily more than a seed beneath the soil.

We tend to look and feel past this abundant garden of potential seeds within us and head straight to the grocery store where food waits ready and packaged to buy.

Again, none of this is to say you should be an ‘island’ in and of yourself without outside inspiration, guidance or tools……just not at the exception of finding and sourcing it from within.

Hmmmmmm, let’s try a few things……..

First let’s just imagine ourselves as these resourceful individuals that are not lacking. Believe for a moment that most everything you need is within you and that you can nurture and cultivate it through a daily practice using this amazing tool of self awareness as your guide. (Discover what works for you in imagining this and whether it is through visualization, verbalizing, breath…….one is not better than another so simply be creative in discovering what path can get you there.)

Notice how it feels when you can breathe into that and let it rest as being ‘true’ for even a moment. Notice the challenges that may arise as you offer this vision. Just notice from an open and non-judging perspective.
Little by little each day see what happens if you take time to do this.

Now, as you continue to do this and expand this sensation of personal resource……begin to also develop as a compassionate witness to the ever unfolding network of your thoughts, emotions and physical impulses. Use your awareness to be curious about your choices and behaviors throughout the day and in certain situations.
No matter how benign or habitual just notice and gently inquire ‘why?’. An innocent question that can elicit incredible responses when we use our awareness to help us listen.

If you can start there and are able to stay with this awareness…..it slowly begins to widen. Like a window, it opens a little more each day you engage it. It will increase exponentially as you use each new ‘widening’ as a platform from which to ‘see’ and question even more. Awareness can help us to see options that might be more essential to our livelihood and living…… a more authentic and connected way of being in the world. A place of opening ourselves to new perspectives and choosing what feels most essential to our individual core.

I would say play with that for a few months and see how you feel and what you notice.
Ask yourself how you can keep yourself interested in it and make it fun as opposed to ‘work’ that feels tiring? Follow your curiosity about yourself.

Once we nurture self awareness there is no end to how we can observe, question and choose. And like most things we must actually engage and cultivate our skills of awareness.
If we don’t engage or interact with it, it’s like having a garden we have taken the time to nurture and cultivate but instead of eating and enjoying the abundance….we let it wither. We end up surrendering much of our own personal internal resource. Why not choose to be your own gardener and harvest the abundance inside of YOU?
When we trust a little and take a leap…… letting go of concepts, habits and pictures of ‘reality’ we have held for so long…….we can create so much possibility within ourselves and the world (a choice for growth and not from a sense of lacking in how we are right now). This practice asks you to disorient yourself and dwell in uncertainty just a little bit to potentially unwind and re-learn yourself in familiar and new ways. All this by simply choosing to bring greater awareness and loving curiosity to yourself.
It’s all pretty amazing………..

Thanks for reading…….much love

jacq

being human

Memes

PART 1

Memes……have you heard of them?
There is a whole field of Memetics (http://pespmc1.vub.ac.be/memes.html) that studies memes and it is vast and complex.
By their definition they are something that is acting upon and within us all the time….. and yet I also find them elusive.

Here is some history and definition (drawn for the work of Susan Blackmore and other sources)

The term meme (it’s pronounced like dream or cream) was coined by Richard Dawkins, Professor of the Public Understanding of Science at Oxford University, in his 1976 book The Selfish Gene. As examples of memes he suggested “musical tunes, ideas, catch-phrases, clothes fashions, ways of making pots or of building arches”.

Memes are habits, skills, songs, stories, or any other kind of information that is copied from person to person. Memes, like genes, are replicators. That is, they are information that is copied with variation and selection. Because only some of the variants survive, memes (and hence human cultures) evolve. Memes are copied by imitation, teaching and other methods, and they compete for space in our memories and for the chance to be copied again.

The word “meme” has recently been included in the Oxford English Dictionary where it is defined as follows “meme (mi:m), n. Biol. (shortened from mimeme … that which is imitated, after GENE n.) “An element of a culture that may be considered to be passed on by non-genetic means, esp. imitation”.

According to memetics, our minds and cultures are designed by natural selection (the process whereby organisms better adapted to their environment tend to survive and produce more offspring) acting on memes, just as organisms are designed by natural selection acting on genes. A central question for memetics is therefore ‘why has this meme survived?’. Some succeed because they are genuinely useful to us, while others use a variety of tricks to get themselves copied. From the point of view of the “selfish memes” all that matters is replication, regardless of the effect on either us or our genes.

Some memes are almost entirely exploitative, or viral, in nature, including chain letters and e-mail viruses. These consist of a “copy-me” instruction backed up with threats and promises. Religions have a similar structure and this is why Dawkins refers to them as ‘viruses of the mind’. Many organized religions threaten hell and damnation, promise heaven or salvation, and insist that their followers pass on their beliefs to others. This ensures the survival of the memeplex. Other viral memes include alternative therapies that don’t work, and new age fads and cults. Relatively harmless memes include children’s games, urban legends and popular songs, all of which can spread like infections.

At the other end of the spectrum memes survive because of their value to us. The most valuable of memeplexes include all of the arts and sports, transport and communications systems, political and monetary systems, literature and science.

Memetics has been used to provide new explanations of human evolution, including theories of altruism, the origins of language and consciousness, and the evolution of the large human brain. The Internet can be seen as a vast realm of memes, growing rapidly by the process of memetic evolution and not under human control.

(All of this taken into consideration….the field of memetics is still a new science, with many critics, and many difficulties to be resolved.)

PART 2

The curiosity for me is exploring where perhaps a meme ends and ‘I’ begin (or vice versa). It all gets a bit slippery and I am not sure there is ever an ‘I’ that simply stands by itself as each of us is a composite of experiences, influences and ideas (or memes).
But I believe that, with practice, we can begin to notice the influence of ideas, memes, conditioning and environment upon us. From there perhaps we can step back just enough to broaden perspective and find new choices available to each of us.

All of this leads me to continually explore the ways in which this dictates our behaviors, memories and stories as an individual but also as a society/community. Basically, the things that shape who we are. And simultaneously I am ever fascinated with this ability to expand our awareness, perspectives, ‘choices’ and possibilities.

Truly, all of this feels like a lifelong exploration to me as there seems to always be more layers of the self. Just as science continues to discover new dimensions and possibilities about our universe (and beyond)………..so it is with the inner universe of our mind & body complex. Like the universe I feel we are infinite and always expanding/contracting.
I think what makes it more tricky is that unlike the universe we are not unbiased or neutral. We have constructed our world with distinct parameters and social systems to ‘make sense’ and create ”order’ from what is infinite within and around us. These systems dictate how we measure ourselves, view the world and the concepts by which we live. And since this world is also filled with so much human diversity…. these measurements, views and concepts can both be helpful and harmful.

So much of what I explore in myself and through my life is how to simply reveal more layers (that are equal ‘truth’) in and around me. I am not content with looking through the same glasses my whole life with lenses (conditioning) that perhaps I know limit my vision. Who would want to keep wearing those glasses knowing it diminishes their sight?
All of the practice and ‘exercises’ help me to switch out the lenses and keep finding the ways my vision can grow and adjust.
(I remember hearing about a young friend who they didn’t know needed glasses. When he wore his new glasses for the first time he was talking about things he was ‘seeing’ that he had not been able to see before in his everyday environment. I am feeling a metaphor here.)

I hear people invoke the phrase ‘if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it’. If your sight seems perfectly acceptable by standards and it isn’t giving you obvious headaches……why change the lenses? Besides, it’s a hassle….right?
In fact, I had someone recently read my post about ‘Choice’ and say it sounded amazing but it is ‘asking a lot of people’ and that what I am suggesting is probably ‘too difficult’ for most.

I understand all of that.
Again, for me, there is truly no ‘right or wrong’ way of living or seeing the world (Although we each can have our own opinions). None of what I suggest is about ‘shoulds’ or ‘right’…..it is simply offering possibilities through awareness and curiosity. It is offering tools for how we might continue to meet (and perhaps adapt) to this ever evolving world of people, diversity and complexity.  And to also invite new insight about ourselves previously ‘hidden’.
That is where it gets interesting for me. Not in maintaining how I see myself and the world…..but in allowing it to open and evolve.

That is when I feel potential unfolding.

Thanks for reading……….

(and if you are ever wondering why I put quotation marks around so many words it is because those words feel quite subjective and more like concepts than definitives. What I suggest is more exploration than ‘answer’ or definitions.)

being human

History~memory~choice -Part 1

I believe we can find our personal empowerment in choice. Over time and/or through conditioning we sometimes narrow our perspective of ourselves and life situations, limiting our ability to see the myriad of choices in any given moment. Why not widen our scope (through awareness and curiosity) and discover the multitude of options around us for how we might feel, perceive, think and act in relation to situations and people.

I realize keeping our choices limited might feel easier at times. (Some people have expressed to me that having more options can feel overwhelming and that keeping it ‘small’ brings a sense of safety or control.) But I am only suggesting you become aware of the possibilities…….ultimately you don’t have to choose to feel or act differently. Even when we continue to choose what is familiar, the practice of expanding our awareness of other possibilities is a profound tool in our complex world as humans.

I imagine this can all sound a bit vague……so I will try to offer some examples.

Here is a possible scenario…….
Let’s say I am having a disagreement with a friend and I walk away feeling committed to the perception that they are wrong and I am right. I perceive the situation in black or white terms. (I can certainly stay in this perception and whatever happens will happen.) And……I can also begin to question elements of the situation without placing blame or sense of right & wrong. If I allow myself to soften I can begin to see more options of perspective and viewpoint that lead me into a a wider circle of possibility. These new possibilities of thinking can help shift me out of my old conditioning and limited perspective.
Again, when I let go of my attachment to the familiar ‘I am right’ then suddenly anything is possible as far as my ability to choose a new reaction, response or even become more compassionate.
(I know that I certainly feel more vulnerable when I let go of attachment and open up to other perspectives…..but ultimately I grow and in that there is greater freedom.)

When I find myself in any situation like this I often walk away and then begin to ask myself questions as if I were a neutral bystander. I ask gentle and probing questions into my behavior and also look to uncover as many ideas (without knowing which might be more valid than another) about the other persons behavior. The key for me is always just being curious but not attached to an ‘answer’ because in the alchemy of human interactions I have found there is rarely a single answer or ‘reason’. (And I know that when I describe it here it sounds so neat and tidy….but believe me…..sometimes my process might be a little messy as I sort through my emotions & protective ego along the way.)

This method of ‘black or white’ thinking (‘one or another’ as the only possibilities) is a prevalent form of human assessment. I think we take comfort in having an answer as opposed to seeing the many possibilities and not really knowing what might be ‘true’.
And yes, sometimes we have past experience that informs us and this is a fundamental way in which we learn. (I touched the hot toaster, I burnt my finger and now I know not to touch it again.) We come to know our world through this process and it often works quite well. But there is a whole realm of non-black or white (or hot/cold) situations…… remembering this can be liberating.
When we limit ourselves to only seeing things as ‘it is this way or it is that way’ or ‘they are this or they are that’….how does that truly serve us, others or the world?

Another example of limited perception is how we might feel about something that has happened in the past. We often unknowingly ‘assign’ a particular emotion to an event and perhaps don’t take the time to notice there might be a multitude of other possible emotions that are also true. At any point we have the power to choose how we feel and perceive. Even if the predominant emotion is ‘sad’ or ‘happy’ they are most likely accompanied by other feelings all interconnected. It is unlikely to have any of these emotions exist in a vortex on their own.
(All emotions have overtones of the others and we are able to find variation in our emotions when we change from thinking in singular and narrow terms alone…happy, sad, anger, fear).
When we open ourselves to a greater range of possibilities, we might discover new information about our relationship with an event and gradually begin to integrate what we discover, therefore shifting how we label and relate to it.

Any time we simply react or follow our habitual emotional response to a situation or memory, we minimize our personal potential because we forfeit choice.
Each of us is amazingly complex and has a continuous system of thoughts and feelings flowing through us. Due to conditioning we might end up having the same perspective, thoughts and feelings time after time.
A great analogy might be comparing this constant stream of thoughts to something like a river.

In this sense we are immersed in a river constantly (the ‘river’ being these thoughts/feelings) and you see the same rocks (perceptions) over and over again along the banks of this river. You might also attempt to cling to the same branch at a certain point. But through practice (opening our focus and letting go of attachment to ‘right or wrong’) we may begin to see the sky, trees, colors and even the horizon. Why not open our personal lens and practice taking in all that is possible? Why not allow a little bit of surrender while in that river of thoughts and emotions and see where it takes you? You can always return to the safety of the familiar rocks or branch…… but what if you choose to expand the landscape of possibility?  What if you could also perceive other thoughts, feelings and perspectives in the landscape beyond the familiar?